Till Death Do Us Part No More

His fists slam on the dining room table. I’ve never seen his cheeks glow this red.

“I’m done Bev — we’re done Bev.”

His words pierce through my skin and the ringing in my ears only gets louder. I try to speak but I can’t seem to form coherent sentences. I grip the edge of the table. My eyes fall to the floor.

“Bev, do you hear me? Look at me!”

I meet his eyes: at a face that looks too angry — too unrecognizable to be my fiancé.

“I hear you.”

My voice cracks and the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. This is a nightmare. I must be dreaming. We just got back from a trip to the city. Everything was fine. Until now.

“I just don’t understand why you are ending our relationship.”

“Because Bev! I see the messages on your phone. I see the phone calls. I see the DM’s he sends you on Instagram. I’ve told you to block him. I’ve told you to stop seeing him when I’m away for work. But you don’t. How can I even trust you anymore? It’s like that man means more to you than I do.”

“Austin, none of this is true. He’s like a brother to me and you know that.”

“A brother?! What man asks an engaged woman to go out to dinner or coffee or to a Penguins game?! And what engaged woman would hang out alone with a single man?! Don’t even try to make excuses. I see the way he looks at you. It’s no brotherly look, that’s for sure.”

My heart hurts for Austin. I know being close friends with Sev has been hard on him, but I could never seem to let go of our friendship completely. Sev and I have been friends since we could practically walk. We were neighbors growing up and our families were the kind that had each other over for holidays. Sev and I dated throughout high school but since I met Austin, my feelings for Sev never resurfaced. But Austin doesn’t understand that. He only sees Sev as the man that I kissed. Many times. In high school. Five years ago.

Suddenly our kitchen feels a lot smaller. The willow green walls cave in every second of silence that goes by. He reaches for his fork but stops himself.

“Look Bev, I love you. I love you so much. But if you don’t love me enough to make me the only man in your life, then that’s not love.”

“Austin, I do love you. There’s nothing between Sev and I. There hasn’t been for years, and you know that. It’s just hard to cut someone out of my life that has played such a big part in it. But I will, I promise. I’ll explain it all to him and he’ll understand, I’m sure.”

“There shouldn’t be explaining. There’s no need to. He doesn’t need to know why you chose to move on from some dead high school romance… unless you haven’t.”

“You sound delusional.”

“I feel like I’ve been living in your world where I barely exist for months now Bev. It’s not like it used to be. It’s not just me, in fact it’s hardly ever me. It always goes back to him.”

“Austin, I don’t understand where this coming from all of a sud- “

“What do you mean Bev?! Anytime I leave for work trips I find you with him.”

“Because you’re always gone! You’re never home. I feel so alone in this large house that is supposed to be ours. And I know you have work, and I’m still finishing up school. But it’s hard. It’s hard to be alone. And Sev is someone who makes this house feel like home.”

Absolute silence.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Austin’s face goes pale as he sits across from me. Our dinner, untouched, and far past cold is not in the slightest appetizing. I watch as he picks up his plate and leaves with no words. Just silence that is filled with more pain. These walls that were our home for over a year seem unfamiliar now. It’s not filled with love anymore but faded memories.

I remember the first night we moved in. Austin insisted we watch the first movie we ever watched together. The movie played but we just laughed about the dumbest things and recited lines of Shakespeare like it was 21st century language. We didn’t sleep that night but instead went through every room and picked out what color we were going to paint them and which ones our kids would sleep in. It was the best night. Our love for each other filled the massive house that at the time, felt like home.

However, the rooms never got painted.

I sit at the table still unsure of where to go and what to say. Is this over? My brain can’t seem to grasp the concept of engaged to single in a matter of an hour.

I reach for my phone to text Sev. He’ll be able to comfort me…

Except that’s a bad idea.

I can hear Austin’s footsteps coming closer.

“Bev, I think it’s best if we sleep in different rooms tonight. It’s late so I’m gonna stay the night here, but I’ll be gone in the morning.”

“So, this is it then? You’ll leave and not come back?”

“I’m staying with my parents for a little bit. I need time away, to think and breathe.”

I’m afraid of the truth, but I ask anyway.

“Are we really over?”

“I want to say no but I don’t see how we can get past this. We’ve tried so many times. But sometimes trying isn’t good enough. Goodnight, Bev.”

With that he turns around and leaves. And doesn’t look back. I won’t see him in the morning, I know he’ll be gone before then.

With every ounce of me, I slide off the diamond ring that occupies my left hand and set it on the table.

Maybe it’s just a dream.